


If I ain't got you

by StoneDragon



Category: Alexandra Cabot - Fandom, Law & Order: SVU, olivia benson - Fandom
Genre: Alexandra Cabot - Freeform, Break Up, Death, Drama & Romance, F/F, Inspired by Law & Order: SVU, Law and Order - Freeform, Lesbian Character, Love Story, Olivia Benson - Freeform, Sad, Sadness, Seduction, Suffering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:34:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27444214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoneDragon/pseuds/StoneDragon
Summary: When a tragedy falls upon Olivia and Alexandra's marriage, how could they overcome?! How do you mend your broken heart and try to fix your marriage, when the other one doesn't want to?!And, to shake their marriage a bit Olivia's friend, a sensual Welsh woman, appears and might be the solution or the cause for them to end...
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 10
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Upon entering the room, Olivia smells the sweet smell of perfume invading her nostrils and smiles, as she hears the sound of water in the bathroom. The lieutenant walks to the bathroom door and, leaning against it, observes Alexandra's silhouette under the shower, singing softly. She smiles in a corner and says, feeling a joy to realize that Alex was better after the weekend:

— It is very nice to hear your lively voice...

The noise of water stops, Alexandra gets out of the shower, while grabbing the towel for dry your damp body and look at Olivia, who blinks saying:

— Good morning, my love.

— Good morning. — Alexandra responds by lightly kissing the lieutenant's mouth and, already dry, deposits the towel in the sink, walking to the bedroom and crossing it to the  _ closet,  _ being followed by Olivia.

— I'm glad to know you're fine. Now tell me — the lieutenant sits on the bed and picks up a nightgown that was lying close to the floor, lifts the clothes close to her eyes and smiles, feeling the silk. — How was the weekend with Anastácia's family?

The answer didn't come immediately, Alexandra chooses her clothes for that morning and appears throwing the clothes on the bed, walks to the bathroom and takes the body cream, returning to the front of the bed.

— Let's say it was good, as always, my sister is still beautiful and very happy with the family. My nephews are impossible and very beautiful! Elizabeth is so cute, so sweet!

Alexandra stops talking, clinging to the cream, and Olivia realizes that traumas are appearing in her wife's mind again. Then the lieutenant gets up from the bed, dropping the silk nightdress on the floor, and grabs Alexandra by the hair in a loving way so that she looks you in the eye. The two look at each other for seconds until Alexandra releases the cream and grabs the lieutenant's neck, which hugs her around the waist, hiding your face in the long, blond hair of the crying woman.

— I miss my little princess so much, Liv. Why?! Tell me, why is that?!

The lieutenant says nothing, because there is nothing more to say and she knows that no words would comfort that heart, so she simply remains in that embrace in which Alexandra cries sobbing and Olivia just kisses her hair and caresses her waist.

_ " _ — _ Olivia, your daughter will be found alive, I just ask you to leave the case for an obvious reason, a personal reason! Let Elliot and Fin take care of the case, go home to take care of your wife who is in need of you right now.  _ — _ Captain Cragen warns the detective, who was trying not to break everything by the kidnapping of her daughter. _

_ At the Blalock mansion, police and other people were already ready, Elliot and Fin were talking to Alexandra's brother-in-law, Alfred Blalock. Olivia watches her wife appear in tears and follows her with her eyes up the stairs _

_...and that's how Alexandra and Olivia began their end, in a complicated and difficult situation in their lives: Alexandra and Olivia's daughter had been kidnapped by a pedophile that Olivia was in the case of his persecution and the man kidnapped her daughter Alice, a 3 years old little girl. _

_ During all the investigation of the case, Olivia didn't go home where Alexandra was in tears, being supported by your parents, sister and friends. The two barely spoke and Olivia was obsessed with finding the bastard and your little daughter. She could no longer bear to see your wife in that situation, dying little by little day after day. Furthermore, she could no longer bear to go through that torment in not knowing about your daughter and not even know what the bastard could be doing to Alice. _

_ After a week and a half, the case ended... tragically. _

_ The pervert was in Olivia's sights and her fingers, pressed against the gun in her hand, failed the moment the bastard put Alice in front of him. She was a little girl of 3 years old, with short brown hair and light blue eyes. _

_ The moment Olivia squeezed the trigger, the bastard cut Alice's throat and laughed as he fell to the floor bleeding. At the same time, Olivia ran to meet her daughter's body and, crying in tears, grabbed her, trying to stop the blood. Meanwhile, the little girl let out little sobs, until she could no longer breathe, and her body softened in the arms of the detective, who was crying uncontrollably... _

— _ NOOOOOOOO... ALICE!!! MY BABY GIRL!!! MYBABY GIRL!!!  _ — _ the detective screamed, while the other detectives and police arrived... _

_ Olivia didn't want someone else to tell Alexandra about the death of her daughter, as she felt responsible for what happened and decided to get out of the car to enter her house..." _

— Liv?! Liv?!

The detective blinks hard to return to the present, six months after Alice's death, facing Alexandra half-naked, wearing only her panties, and smiles sheepishly, as she sits back on the bed:

— Sorry, honey, I was lost in memories. — Olivia comments looking from the corner to the half naked woman in front of her and wished to touch that pair of pink breasts that she hasn't touched in months. — What were you saying?

Alexandra does not respond immediately, remains standing holding the dress in her hands and looking hard at the detective. Then she shakes your head and puts on your clothes when she answers:

— I was saying that we are going to have lunch with Laura today, are you all right?

— Oh, you are in charge, my lady! — Olivia joked, while smiling as she watched the woman finish putting on the dress and stand on her back admiring herself in the mirror.

Olivia and Alexandra have not actually kissed on the mouth for months, don't have sex and have no physical contact other than holding hands and kissing on the cheek. After their daughter's death, they both moved away, Olivia can't take away the guilt she feels about it and she doesn't forget Alexandra's harsh words when she said that it was the lieutenant's fault.

Alexandra doesn't stand the lieutenant's touch, doesn't even support her breathing, she has slept away from Olivia in bed and always tries to do things so as not to be alone with her.

But Olivia can't take the situation of her marriage anymore, she won't let her daughter's death keep her away from Alexandra, she knows she needs to do something to save her marriage, because, if it depends on Alexandra, it's all over! They fought so much to be together, they need each other more than anything else.

Then, realizing that Alexandra wants some privacy, Olivia points to the door and leaves, walking down the stairs to the kitchen, while Alexandra remains standing in front of the mirror, looking at her tear-stained face as she remembers her little Alice.

* * *

Late at night, Alexandra sighs heavily before opening the door to her duplex, she doesn't want to talk to Olivia and would rather spend a few days at her parents' house than there. After entering the house, the blonde locks the door behind her and is greeted by her bull terrier, who barks frantically:

— There, my beautiful boy! Mommy arrived! Mommy arrived! — Alexandra exclaims in a child's voice as she picks up the dog.

She walks into the living room, where she places her purse on the sofa and kisses Thunder's snout several times, who licks her excitedly.

— Hi! — a female voice with british accent says next to Alexandra, who looks scared at the woman beside her.

— Ah, hello! — the blonde greets the smiling red-haired woman. — You must be Merida, Olivia's friend!

— That's me! — Merida kisses Alexandra's hand. — And you must be the wonder woman married to Olivia! Dr. Alexandra!

— I don't know about the wonder woman, but I'm Dr. Alexandra, still married to Olivia!

Alexandra responds bitterly and snorts impatiently when she gets up. She walks to the kitchen, where she takes a glass from the shelf above the sink, depositing it there, and then opens the refrigerator to get the water bottle, closing the door with her feet, while putting water in the glass. Alexandra realizes that she is being watched by someone on the other side of the kitchen counter that divides the living room:

— I see that I'm disturbing something between you two... Don't worry, cause tomorrow I'll go to my house that I bought it here. — Merida comments, feeling the bad energy of the environment.

Alexandra doesn't say anything right away, with her blue eyes on the woman in front of her and notices her with some attention: somewhat tall, with broad shoulders, athletic body, strong arms. The orange hair is long and wavy, matching the green eyes. She needed to assume that Merida is a somewhat charming and very beautiful woman, who has a strong look that makes Alexandra feeling a bit... hot.

The red-haired woman is a Welsh woman and a friend of Olivia for years, who had come to NY to work, as a traumatologist and considered one of the best in the UK, where she lived before going to America.

— You aren't in the way of anything, Merida, feel free. I'll just change clothes and I'll be right back!

Alexandra responds harshly in the words and goes up the stairs, reaching the upstairs corridor, she looks to the right, where there are two closed doors and one of them is from little Alice's room. Alexandra walks heavily to the purple door, painted delicately with kitties, and passes her hand, beginning to cry silently. The prosecutor lays her body there and falls to the floor, leaning against the door, crying desperately, she puts one hand on her belly and the other on her mouth to stifle the groans of suffering.

Olivia leaves the suite and finds her wife crying on the floor in front of Alice's bedroom door, then immediately runs over to her, kneeling in front of her and takes Alexandra's face in her hands:

— My love.. — the lieutenant looks into the tearful blue eyes and her heart sinks. — Oh, my love... — Olivia tries to hug her tight, but Alexandra pulls her away, standing up.

— Don't touch me, Olivia! — the blonde walks irritably to the suite and closes the bedroom door, leaving Olivia kneeling in front of Alice's door.

The lieutenant swallows her tears, gets up, fixing her hair, and opens the door to the little girl's room: everything is as it always was, it's as if Alice still lived there. The smell of watermelon lingers throughout the room and Olivia enters slowly. She takes a plush hippo from the purple bed and strokes it, remembering her little baby...

_ “ _ — _ But look what a beautiful hippo, what does he call it? _

_ Olivia asks affectionately to little Alice sitting on the floor of her little room and hands her the plush. _

— _ Mr. Hippo, mom! Mommy gave me...  _ — _ Alice answers, grabbing the hippo, and Olivia picks her up, lifting her high, making the little girl laugh and exclaim happily:  _ — _ AHHH... fly Mr. Hippo... _

_ The detective smiled lovingly seeing your little girl laughing happily. She has never been so happy in her life, because she has everything she ever imagined: a wife who loves her and a daughter!!! So much happiness that there was no room for anything else... _

__

— _ HOW DID SOMEONE TAKE HER INSIDE THE SCHOOL?!?!  _ — _ Olivia screamed in the hallway of the school where Alice was studying and which is the most expensive in the city.  _ — _ I WANT TO UNDERSTAND HOW AN UNKNOWN MAN ENTERS NY'S MOST EXPENSIVE SCHOOL AND KIDNAP A 3 YEAR OLD GIRL?!? _

— _ Easy, Olivia, easy!  _ — _ Elliot puts his hand on his friend's shoulder, but your hand is pushed by her. _

— _ DON'T ASK ME TO BE CALM, ELLIOT, MY DAUGHTER WAS KIDNAPPED INSIDE THE SCHOOL BY A STRANGER! HOW COME?!?  _ — _ the detective shouts, opening her arms, while the security guards and the director try to calm her down. _

— _ Benson, please stay calm, we're doing our best! _

— _ YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH, ALLOWED AN UNKNOWN MANIACAL TO ENTER SCHOOL AND KIDNAP MY DAUGHTER!!!!  _ — _ Olivia screams, feeling the cell phone vibrate and, when looking at the small screen, freezes when reading “Love”. What could she tell your wife? What will Alexandra say about Alice?...” _

__

— Liv? Liv? — Merida's voice sounds close to the lieutenant, who shakes her head returning to the present, to the little girl's cold room, with her friend looking at her sadly.

Olivia doesn't answer, puts the plush back on the couch and turns her friend over:

— She was cheerful, shy, sweet... just like Alexandra used to be, Mery...

— Liv, it wasn't your fault. You did your best to save your little girl and, unfortunately, that maniac killed her and I'm sorry for that, but it wasn't your fault. — Merida speaks, stroking the crying lieutenant's shoulders. — You and Alexandra should have taken careful of each other not to allow that fact to take you both a part, but now it's difficult.

— She looks at me and everything I see in my wife's eyes is guilt... She blames me for Alice's death, for her kidnapping, for the disgrace of our marriage. — Olivia mumbles looking at her hands. — She doesn't even touch me, look at me... I haven't touched my wife in months, I haven't kissed my wife, we haven't done anything except put up with each other... I feel like my marriage is about to end a close call and Alexandra doesn't even care about that… I'm the other mom that lost her little girl as well!!! Why doesn't she remember that?!


	2. You're fooling yourself!

Alexandra sighs heavily before sitting on the bed, strokes your hair and turns on the lamp on the bedside table. She sees Olivia sleeping on her back to the other side of the bed, and gets up putting on your slippers. Then, the blonde walks out of the bedroom and, after closing the door, goes down the stairs noticing the light in the living room on and a low noise from the TV.

— Olivia went to sleep and left the TV on, how nice... — Alexandra mutters irritably with Olivia and, when she gets to the living room, she is surprised to see Merida sitting on the couch watching the TV. — Oh! Pardon! I thought Olivia had left it on...

At that moment, the red-haired Welsh looks at Alexandra, causing her a certain heat in the back of the neck and anxiety to take over her body.

— No... Sorry, I'm sleepy due to the time zone and I couldn't sleep. — Merida responds without taking your green eyes to Alexandra and realizes that she only wears a T-shirt (which is clearly Olivia's) and thinks it is better not to comment on anything.

Then, making an effort to take your eyes off the redhead, Alexandra asks:

— Do you want anything to drink? Eat?

Merida smiles in a corner and, winking at her, says:

— What do you have in mind?

— Um... — Alexandra says thoughtfully as she walks into the kitchen and notes that there is a jar of Belgian ice cream in the freezer. — What do you think of ice cream?

— Oh! An excellent idea! — Merida responds somewhat serenely and changes the channel to some movie.

Alexandra closes the refrigerator, holding the jar in your right hand, while with your left she takes two spoons, returns to the sofa and sits down next to Merida.

— Okay... Let's party on Belgian chocolate ice cream, Dr. Merida Harris! — Alexandra comments smiling and, crossing your bare legs, places the jar of ice cream between her and the Welsh.

Feeling somewhat calm for the first time in months, the prosecutor looks at the movie without really paying attention and, taking another generous spoonful of the ice cream, returns your gaze to the enigmatic doctor when she asks:

— How long have you been a friend of Olivia?

Merida, removing your eyes from the film, deposits them in the blues of the woman beside her and, turning your body to face her better, responds with a serene smile:

— A few years, I must say. And it's been a while since she asked me to live here, I mean, in New York, you know? But I just couldn't leave my whole life in London and venture out into America.

Liking that accent and wondering if Olivia had ever said anything about the Welsh, Alexandra smiles weakly and asks:

— And why did you decide to come here now and for what reason?! I mean, since you didn't want to venture out here, what made you change your mind?

Merida lets out a delicious laugh, shaking your long red hair back and stares intensely at the blonde when she exclaims:

— You never stop being a prosecutor, huh?!

— Ah! Why do you say that?! — Alexandra asks without understanding.

— Well... you're questioning me without any shame, Dr. Cabot! Did you notice that? — Merida comments without cutting her smile.

Realizing that the woman is really right, Alexandra finishes eating the ice cream and, covering your mouth with your hands, lets out a muffled laugh.

— Oh, Merida, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... well... you know! It's a force of habit, I think you know how it is, don't you?

— Yes, I know. — the Welsh responds by returning your attention momentarily to the television and turns your gaze on the blonde again. — But, answering your question, I got divorced almost a year ago and, as there was an invitation to head the trauma department of a hospital here, I decided to accept the challenge and thus be close to my friend and spend some time away from London.

— Oh! I'm sorry about the divorce... — Alexandra comments somewhat thoughtfully. — So, because you were married, did you stay away from Olivia, did I get it right?

— Yeah... more or less — Merida replies, nodding. — I mean, I worked for a few years at Doctors Without Borders in Kenya until I got married and had... well... I had my family with my ex-wife.

At that moment, Alexandra realizes how hard the Welsh had tried not to continue talking about herself and, unable to hold back her curiosity as a prosecutor, asks:

— Do you have children?

Merida doesn't respond immediately, seems to think very well about what to say and Alexandra recognizes that look of her well. It's the same look that people give her when they talk about children... as if they were afraid that Alexandra would die a little more just to know that everyone has their families, except her.

— Yes — the Welsh finally says in a calm tone. — I have a daughter... her name is Akari.

At that moment, almost allowing the pain of the loss of her little baby to eat at her, Alexandra swallowed a cry and, forcing a smile, murmurs:

— What a beautiful name... and would you have a picture of her? How old is she?

And once again Merida says nothing, seems to look closely at each reaction of the blonde and, taking your cell phone from the small table in front of the sofa, responds:

— I was married to a Japanese woman for almost 8 years... — she shows Alexandra a picture of you with a very elegant oriental woman. — This is my ex-wife, Hatsu. And we had our Akari, which is only 5 years old.

The moment Alexandra's blue eyes look at the picture of a little Japanese girl with black hair combed like Princess Leia, from Star Wars, and with a beautiful smile on her face, she feels your heart ache and thinks of your Alice.

Immediately, Merida tosses your cell phone aside and Alexandra, covering your face with your hands, slowly leans your body against the Welsh and releases your crying.

— Cry, Alex... you can cry... — Merida murmurs as she strokes the blond hair of the woman totally clinging to your body and sighs heavily. — Now you understand why I don't want to talk about my life to you? I didn't want to hurt you or bring those still fresh memories to your mind...

Moving away from the Welsh a little, but looking intently into those green eyes a little affectionately, Alexandra smiles weakly as she wipes the tears from your eyes when she responds:

— It's okay... I apologize for that, Merida, please... I insisted that you tell me about yourself.

There is a silence, where Merida remains with your eyes on Alexandra and the two look at each other intensely for a few seconds, causing the prosecutor an anxiety that she hasn't felt for a long time. So, as soon as Alexandra starts to approach her face, Merida immediately takes your hands off the blonde's back and slowly stands up to say:

— I... I think I'm going to sleep, Alex... Tomorrow morning I will look for the keys from my house and I’ll leave you two alone, I promise! Well…

That said, Merida takes the ice cream jar and walks to the fridge, where she keeps the jar there and returns your eyes to the blonde still on the couch. Then, approaching her again, Merida crouches down in front of her and, taking her hands in yours, says affectionately:

— I work with loss almost every day, since I am a traumatologist and even today I am not comfortable when I lose a patient, Alex. But what I mean is that I know how much loss can mean to someone and that nothing, nothing ever brings back who we lost to death. I know that you and Olivia aren't well and this becomes a castle of domino pieces, where one situation destroys everything else, but... — she smiles weakly at the prosecutor and puts a lock of blond hair behind the ear of the blonde. — But know that at this moment you are going through many things at the same time, which can cause a certain lack... you may think that you need something new to refresh your mind, but remember that you have someone who loves you so much and will stand by your side.

Shaking her head as she stands, Alexandra moves slightly away from the redhead, not knowing exactly how to explain that attraction and warmth she feels when she stands beside Merida.

— You don't know what you're talking about, Merida. Of course, you'll defend Olivia.

— No, Alex! I'm not defending her, but you two! — Merida exclaims taking the prosecutor's two hands in hers, forcing her to face your kind green eyes. — Respect your grief... cry, suffer and seek comfort in what does you well, but remember that you and Olivia suffer from the same pain... And I, more than anyone, know that no mother should bury your son... — she kisses the blonde's hands, caresses her face and walks to the stairs saying: — Have a good night, Alex. And remember, you can count on me for whatever you need.

And as soon as the traumatologist disappears up the stairs, Alexandra sighs heavily, squeezing your body with your hands. Her eyes fall on the photo hanging next to the television and she finds herself laughing there with Olivia and Alice.

She walks over to the object and, taking it in her hands, strokes the photo, wishing her daughter would get out and materialize beside her. But no! That would never happen!

— It's her fault! — Alexandra exclaims as she embraces the photo. — It's her fault! When it's a case of other abducted children, she tries hard to find them without any rest... but, with our daughter, she didn't even care! She should have gone to the end of the world for Alice!

* * *

The alarm goes off, announcing 7am, and Olivia turns it off by hitting the button, while sitting on the bed feeling a terrible pain in her neck, as she had slept in a position on the bed that was as far away from Alexandra as possible. The lieutenant stretches and notes that Alexandra is not there. Then she walks to the bathroom, where her wife is taking a hot shower and singing:

—  _ All I ask is if this is my last night with you ... _

Olivia smiles in a corner as she takes off her pajamas and throws it in the basket behind the bathroom door, opens the shower door, entering to be with Alexandra.

— Uh, what a cold wind... — Alexandra exclaims when she opens your eyes, staring at Olivia naked in front of her and looking sad. The blonde remains with an angry expression saying: — I'm leaving, Liv! Couldn't you wait?!

The prosecutor tries to leave, but Olivia stops her by pushing her against the wall and supports your hands on the wall behind Alexandra:

— Look at me, Alex! Look deep into my eyes and say you don't love me, that all our love has died...

The blonde looks at the lieutenant desperately and breathes quickly when she answers:

— I have a very important meeting this morning, Olivia, we'll talk when I get back!

Olivia holds Alexandra against the wall, holding her by the belly with one hand and, with the other, caresses her face. Then, without caring about that, Olivia sighs heavily without stopping the caresses on the blonde's cheek and brings your mouth close to her neck, kissing affectionately.

For a few seconds, Alexandra lets herself be carried away by the affection and kisses of her wife that she hasn't felt for a long time. Then, she closes your eyes and opens a faint smile when she murmurs: — Liv...

When she opens your blue eyes, the blonde sees Merida in Olivia's place and feels your body burn like ember, wanting to kiss those Welsh lips.

Then, shaking her head and blinking steadily, the prosecutor sees that it's your wife who kisses you hard on the mouth and, at the same time, Alexandra pushes the lieutenant away and leaves the bathroom taking the towel.

Olivia sits on the floor placing her hands on your head and cries regardless of whether Alexandra can hear or not. She shakes her head negatively, while murmuring:

— This isn't right... This can't be happening...

* * *

Alexandra taps the pen on the table, somewhat lost in thought, while Liz Donnelly talks non-stop during the meeting. The blonde can't believe what happened in the morning while taking a bath with your wife, it seems a little surreal to have just imagined Merida kissing you in Olivia's place.

— What do you think about that, Cabot?

Alexandra hears her surname being called and shakes her head, chasing away problems, finding everyone at the conference table looking at her and Donnelly with arms crossed at her side, giving an irritated look.

— Ah... Excuse me... I... I'm going to the toilet and I'll be right back...

Alexandra says lost in thought and leaves quickly, followed by Donnelly, who corners her in the bathroom, locking the door behind herself.

— Alexandra, you are not ready to get back to work, I already told you that I allow you to leave for as long as necessary. What you went through isn't easy and I know that you aren't ready to return with your obligations.

— I need to get back to work, Liz, I'm going crazy at home and I can't take antidepressant drugs anymore. — Alexandra pleading, grabbing the woman's collar, who caresses her face.

— Your marriage isn't all right, is it? — Donnelly asks, watching the blonde cry. — I realized since the disappearance of little Alice that the two of you got apart and you two didn't know how to face the problem. Especially because she works in that area and...

— Exactly! How can someone who lives and breathes for this fail to save their own daughter?! She loses sleep nights to save children and always manages to find them, but when it comes to our daughter... She... — Alexandra burst into tears, venting everything she needed. — She had a duty and an obligation to find our little one, but she failed... She allowed my Alice to be killed... Do you know what that is?!? My little girl, just 3 years old, was killed by a type of person that my wife arrests every day and she did nothing to prevent it... I'm mad at her, Liz! I can't stand to stay at home looking at her face, hearing her voice... Nothing! Please allow me to work for a few days until I get better, please. — Alexandra pleads, looking deep into the eyes of the woman who smiles in a corner.

— There is no reason to ask, my dear. You can work as and when you want. I just think you and Olivia need to sit down and work this out, you know, if you open up to each other. Because you love each other, she knows the pain you feel from the loss of a child and only with her will you decide whether to arrange the marriage or get divorced.

Alexandra sighs heavily and straightens her hair, thinking about what Donnelly had just said to her, and murmurs:

— Yeah... I just don't know if I would be prepared to divorce her... it would be too painful...

* * *

A few days later.

— I don't know what else to do, Merida... The other day, I thought everything was starting to get better, that she was allowing my touch again... Then she just pushes me away and leaves the bathroom, dropping me there... — Olivia opened to her friend.

The women are in the house that the Welsh bought and which is somewhat away from where the detective and prosecutor live. Merida is painting one of her unique paintings, as it is one of the things she most likes to do in her spare time.

They are in the studio at the back of the house, where Olivia is sitting on the sofa, next to the huge Persian cat, and Merida paints calmly.

— Liv, take it easy. You two need to work this out, you need to talk honestly with each other. Open your heart to her and also listen to what she has to say. You need to resolve the situation, whether it will continue and improve or whether the marriage will take a break, understand? — Merida speaks calmly and points a brush at the lieutenant. — You two have a lot to talk about, and from what I understand, Alexandra needs to open herself up and the best person to listen to her would be you!

— Like?!?! How will I talk to her if we don't even kiss properly and don't even look at each other, Mery?! She barely looks at me! Hugs and caresses?! No way she gives me! I want my wife back! I want to help her heal and be healed by her! I want the soft kisses and the beautiful laughs that only she gives me... — Olivia grumbles, covering her face with her hands. — When I got into her bath the other day, there was a moment when she looked at me smiling, but as if she didn't really see me... understand? It was as if I was someone else, until she looked at me again and, realizing that it was my person there, she pushed me and got out of the bath...

At the same moment, Merida looks seriously at her friend and raises her eyebrows:

— Do you think she was imagining someone else kissing her?

— Yes... — Olivia answers exhausted. — Exactly that, Mery!

So, sighing deeply and shaking her head, Merida feels guilty and with a certain fear that Alexandra... maybe... imagined her person kissing her... and that is not good, it is not good at all… cause the blonde might be feeling for Merida as if she's sort of a new adventure and that could help her forget her pain. But Merida knows that isn't right, she doesn't want that to happen, and Alexandra would only be trying to escape from her loss.


	3. I'm just not okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Reverie - Isaac Gracie **  
> Music for this chapter

_ As soon as Olivia enters the room, she is faced with the curtains and window open and Alice sitting on the bed. _

— _ Good morning, my love!!! _

_ The little girl with blond hair and blue eyes looks at the detective and opens a huge smile: _

— _ Nonivia!  _ — _ she jumps into the detective's arms and rubs her nose against hers.  _ — _ I dream you were leaving...  _ — _ Alice widens her eyes and pinches the detective's cheeks.  _ — _ Promise? Promise you never leave? _

_ Filling the child with kisses, which hugs her tightly around the neck, Olivia replies: _

— _ I'm not going anywhere, my love...  _ — _ Alice doesn't let go and the detective strokes the small body stuck to her.  _ — _ Hey... it's okay, Alice, I will never abandon you... never! _

_ Looking intensely into her mother's eyes, Alice smiles sweetly: _

— _ Really? Pinky promise? _

_ Smiling, Olivia places the little girl on the bed and gives her little finger on her right hand: _

— _ Promised promise!  _ — _ the two cross their little fingers and the detective kisses her on the forehead.  _ — _ Last week of school, my love! Isn't that nice? What do you think about going to school in a costume today? _

_ Her blue eyes widening, Alice smiles with her mouth open and exclaims: _

— _ I LOOOOVED! LET'S GO DRAGON!!! _

— _ That's it, my love, let's go as a dragon!  _ — _ Olivia claps her hands with the little one.  _ — _ I'll get your costume, meanwhile pee and wash your face. _

— _ Yaaaaay!  _ — _ Alice jumps on the bed and runs to the bathroom.  _ — _ Let's go dragon! Let's go dragon!!! _

_ **__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __** _

_ Depositing her dinosaur costume on the sofa in the living room, Olivia steps forward to the dining room, where the breakfast table is set and smiles at the housekeeper: _

— _ Miss Grennier, thanks for the table!  _ — _ Olivia kisses the gray-haired lady's cheeks.  _ — _ I don't know what we would do without you! _

— _ Olivia, Alex left early today, said she had a meeting and should be back late.  _ — _ Miss Grennier exclaims embarrassed and points to Alice down the stairs.  _ — _ My goodness! _

_ In a crazy way, Alice goes down the stairs wearing her brown dragon costume. _

_ Looking at her daughter running through the dining room, Olivia smiles sighing heavily and murmurs: _

— _ What would I do with my life without you?!  _ — _ she takes her cell phone out of her pants pocket and signals to the child:  _ — _ Come on, my fierce dragon! I want to make a really cool photo to send to mom, huh!  _ — _ Alice immediately poses several times and lets out grunts, making Olivia smile while taking several pictures. _

— _ Nonivia! Why you are not in fantasy?  _ — _ Alice questions pointing her "paw" at the detective.  _ — _ Put on your fantasy, put on! I don't want a photo if you don't put on a costume too! _

_ Raising her arms as she hands the phone to Miss Grennier, Olivia laughs running into the living room and puts on her dinosaur costume. As soon as Alice returns to the dining room, she jumps up and shouts happily: _

— _ Aaahhh, Mama Nonivia is beautiful! You are beautiful!  _ — _ Alice screams cheerfully jumping excitedly and points her "paw" at Olivia  _ — _ Come! Come, Mom Nonivia, take a picture for Mom, come on! _

* * *

As soon as Olivia enters her duplex, she hears Alexandra's laughter and smells  _ pizza _ . How long have they eaten a  _ pizza _ and how long has been since Alexandra laughed?!

Olivia locks the door, hanging her gun belt and badge on the hook at the back, and looks into the living room, where Alexandra is watching something funny on TV and eating  _ pizza _ . She smiles in a corner, feeling her heart warm just by hearing Alexandra's wonderful laugh again, and walks to the kitchen, where she washes her hands in the sink, then helps herself to  _ pizza _ on a plate.

After sitting on the couch, next to her wife, Olivia says:

— Hello, my love...

Alexandra says nothing immediately, kisses the detective's mouth lightly and quickly, but without taking her eyes off the TV, which plays one episode of  _ Modern Family,  _ one of the series that the promoter loves most.

At that moment, caring little about the program on television, Olivia smiles while keeping her eyes locked on Alexandra for a few seconds and notices that she looks calmer, lighter and more receptive. There is a certain sparkle in her eyes, a beautiful smile on her lips, which makes the detective somewhat happy. What could have happened?

— I bought pepperoni, Liv, because I know it's our favorite flavor. — Alexandra comments without taking her eyes off the program.

Realizing that, for the first time in months, Alexandra is talking quietly to her, Olivia bites a piece of the pizza on her plate and says:

— Thank you, my love... — she puts a lock of the blond hair behind Alexandra's ear and sighs lightly, without taking her eyes off the blonde. — Did you have a good day?

— Yes... all right! — Alexandra replies while sipping a red wine from her glass. — And you? How was your day?

Questioning what could have happened to leave your wife like that, looking miraculously good, Olivia replies:

— I had a busy day. And, to make matters worse, I couldn't work very well...

Alexandra says nothing and Olivia, looking around, asks curiously:

— Where's Thunder?

Standing up with the plate and the empty glass in her hands, Alexandra walks to the kitchen, where she puts the things in the sink and pours more wine into her glass, when she finally answers:

— He's in Merida's. Since she lives in a house and I haven't been out for a walk with Thunder, I saw that, with her, Thunder would have a more active life. She told me that she runs every morning and, from what I saw, she is very athletic.

Widening her eyes, not liking that story at all, Olivia walks to the kitchen, also depositing her plate in the sink, and looks worriedly at her wife, who is quietly drinking wine:

— When did she come to pick up Thunder?

At that moment, Alexandra supports the glass in the sink, folds her arms and looks seriously at Olivia when she answers:

— I called her in the late afternoon. Why? Can't I ask your friend a favor? Besides, I'll be spending the weekend in LA with my sister.

Then, moving away from Olivia, Alexandra leaves the kitchen, starting to climb the stairs, when the detective asks in shock:

— How is it?! Are you going to LA with your sister?!

— We'll go tomorrow at lunchtime and we will be back in a couple of days, Olivia, no big deal!

Olivia opens her mouth in amazement and quickly goes up the stairs, following Alexandra, and finds her brushing her teeth in the bathroom. Then she stops behind her wife and crosses her arms questioning:

— And when were you going to tell me about it?

— Excuse me?! I'm telling you now, Olivia, stop the drama. — Alexandra replies snorting.

— Alexandra Cabot Benson, as far as I know, you are still my wife and, therefore, we owe each other respect. And why didn't you tell me you spoke to Merida? Since when have you talked? As I recall, Alex, you never really liked my friendship with her when I told you about her. And when did you decide to travel?! — Olivia speaks quickly and irritated, tired of that somewhat inconsequential attitude of Alexandra, and opens her arms: — Couldn't we take a few days to talk only both of us?!

Alexandra, trying not to say what she knows she will regret later, opens her eyes wide and, after drying her mouth and hands, turns to face the woman:

— I do what I want and when I want! Olivia Benson, you don't have the right, not even the morals, to demand anything from me! We need to spend time away from each other and with that, who knows, maybe this marriage will get saved!

Olivia opens and closes her mouth several times without being able to find a plausible answer to the absurdities her wife says, but she knows that, as things stand, her marriage will not survive long. Then, crossing her arms, Olivia says:

— I want to talk about everything now, Alex! I can't stand living the way we are anymore! You keep blaming me with your eyes and the harsh words you let out in a veiled way, but forget that I also lost Alice! — she hits her chest and tries not to cry. — I am also the other mother who lost her daughter!

Shaking her head, not being prepared for that conversation, Alexandra grabs the cold marble behind her and, with teary blue eyes, says:

— You have no right to say these things! I don't want to and I won't talk to you about it!

That said, Alexandra leaves the bathroom, walks to the bedroom and, before she sits on the bed, is taken by the arm by Olivia, who turns her gently to face her.

— Alex, please! Let's talk! Please, my love, I beg you... We need to talk about Alice...

— No! We don't need to talk about anything, especially about her! — Alexandra exclaims, shaking her head repeatedly and hating herself for crying the way she does. — We will remain as we are until this scar heals itself and then, yes, we can talk about whatever you want. But... about our little baby... no! Not about her!

Running her hands through her hair, no longer putting up with the suffocating suffering in her throat, Olivia puts her hands on her hips and says:

— We can't pretend this way, Alex. Please, you were always rational! You were always the most sensible of this relationship! How can you suggest that we don't talk about it and let everything go by as if it were something trivial?!

— And how can you be rational when it comes to your 3-year-old daughter being murdered?! Huh?! Come on, Olivia, how?! — Alexandra asks when closing her wrists and looks intensely at the detective.

Listening to that hurt voice and exaggerating beyond the blue eyes all the suffering of a broken soul in Alexandra, Olivia tries not to weaken and, wanting more than ever to comfort her wife and be comforted too, says in a weak voice:

— I don't know how it is done, Alex, but we can find this together... If we stay together and help each other, I am sure that, day after day, we will be able to survive this mourning... — she reaches out a hand to the blonde and cries weakly. — You just need to give me your hand...

Softening her gaze at the woman she loves most in this world and watching the suffering in those brown eyes, Alexandra knows that Olivia, like herself, is blaming herself for what happened to Alice. After all, Olivia was also the other mom that lost Alice, and the prosecutor knows that, but...

— No! — Alexandra exclaims as she takes two steps away from Olivia. — I, more than anyone, know how much you dedicate yourself to cases of missing or molested children, Olivia. I know how much you move worlds to bring justice! However... when this happens to our daughter... — the prosecutor's voice breaks for a few seconds, making her wipe the tears that run down her face, and continues: — Our Alice was cruelly murdered and you did absolutely nothing! Nothing!

— This isn't true!!! — Olivia exclaims loudly, unconsciously, feeling tired of those accusations. — I did!!! I did a lot, Alex!!! I did everything to find our daughter, I didn't sleep! I didn't eat! I did nothing else but look for her!

— And even then it wasn't enough, Olivia, because she was killed!!! — Alexandra says imperatively and points to the detective. — You simply allowed her to be murdered! Our baby!! Our sweet Alice!

— You don't know what you're talking about, Alex! — Olivia replies trying to keep a little of her sanity, but the memories of the criminal using her daughter as a shield and preventing Olivia from shooting him in the head torment her insanely. — You weren't there, Alex! You can't say anything!

— I didn't need to be there to imagine that you tried to persuade that man! You should have done whatever it took to save our daughter and you didn't! — Alexandra exclaims impatiently.

— And you wanted me to shoot our daughter?!?! — Olivia exclaims loudly and rudely, unable to contain her impatience and hating for not forgetting the image of her daughter crying and stretching her arms towards you.

At that moment, an uncomfortable silence falls between them, where Olivia sits on the bed, running her hands through her hair, and Alexandra stands, looking at her astonished.

— How... What?! — the prosecutor swallows, fearing that the detective's response will make it worse than it already is. — What are you talking about?

Seeing in her mind her 3-year-old daughter trapped in that man's arms and looking at her crying, Olivia allows several tears to fall from her eyes when she replies:

— I never told you about the truth of that day, Alex... I did it to save you to suffer more, as I suffer day after day... — she looks at her own hands and realizes that it was time for Alexandra to hear how everything ended that day. — When we found Reeves in that abandoned shed, he had a knife in his hand and, as soon as I had the aim in his head, almost pulling the trigger, he put Alice in front of him.

Alexandra widens her eyes and covers her mouth with her hands, unable to imagine her daughter trapped in the arms of that grotesque man.

— Well... — Olivia continues after taking a breath and looks up at her wife's blues. — What should I have done?! When he did that, everyone lowered their weapons and I didn't, I couldn't. All I really wanted at that moment was to shoot that motherfucker several times and get our daughter out of there! And she... she... — the detective stops for a moment to speak, because she cries to the point of sobbing and the words don't seem to come out.

— What?! And she what?! — Alexandra questions fearing to hear the truth. — And what, Olivia?!

Listening in her mind Alicia's cry and seeing her arms outstretched to her, Olivia cries more when she answers:

— And she stayed there... looking at me... crying... calling me with her hands.. And I felt helpless... for a few seconds, looking at our Alice in that vulnerable way, I felt completely useless... Until, pulling the trigger hard, I hit Reeves, but before I pulled Alice into my arms, he cut her in the throat...

Feeling sick and her heart was breaking up, Alexandra took two steps away from the detective and shook her head when she exclaimed:

— No! You told me that... you had told me that she was not at the scene... you told me that she had already been found dead! No, Olivia, our baby...

Nodding with her head, pressing her hands against each other, Olivia replies:

— I just said that so you wouldn't suffer more than you were already suffering, Alex... — she looks at the weeping blonde and stands up too. — I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if you too had this image that I see every day in my mind... From the time I wake up, until the time I go to sleep, I see Alice crying for me and calling me with her tiny hands...

Turning her back to the detective and looking out the huge window, Alexandra tries to control her crying by asking:

— And then?! Where were the paramedics?! What did you do?!

— I ran to her and, sitting on the floor, pressed Alice against my body and tried to prevent her from losing more blood than she already did. She died in my arms, Alex... — Olivia says in a weak voice. — I live with this image day after day of my life and I know that I will live forever with that image... I loved our little baby, I loved her too much and you know it very well. — the detective walks to the bedroom door and, before leaving, says firmly: — Now, before acting as if you were the only one to have lost a daughter, remember what I just told you, Alex. I just omitted all of this because I love you and I didn't want you to live what I live every day by remembering the cruel way in which our little girl was murdered. I was the one who held Alice's dead and bloody body while I asked her not to die!

And as soon as Olivia goes down the stairs, Alexandra hugs her own body and cries without any fear, trying to imagine the terror that her daughter may have felt when being trapped in the arms of that criminal.

— I should have been with her... I should have... My little girl was alone… No… — she sits on the bed and with the image of her daughter dying in Olivia's arm.


	4. Trust

As she prepares to leave, Merida hears the doorbell ring and rolls her eyes, already imagining that she would be late for her appointment. Then, walking to the kitchen, she looks at the small intercom screen and sees a woman from the back.

— Yeah?!

— Merida?! It's Alexandra... — Alexandra Cabot's voice sounds a little weak on the other side.

—  _ Oh! _ — the redhead exclaims confused and, after pressing the button to open the door, she steps forward to the living room, watching Thunder lying on the sofa face up. — Did she come to see you, boy?! I just hope she won't be long, or I'll be late for the  _ show. _

As soon as she sees the beautiful blonde woman entering, Merida observes Alexandra Cabot holding a small suitcase in her hands. The two look at each other for a few seconds, when the redhead closes the door and, turning her body ready to smile, sees the blonde throwing things down.

Before she says anything, Merida is hugged by Alexandra, who hides your face in her neck. Feeling surprised by that and not knowing what to do, Merida asks in a loving way:

— Is everything okay?

Immediately, Thunder jumps excitedly on the prosecutor's legs, who lovingly caresses him.

— I just wanted a place to spend the weekend... I can't stand being in that house anymore, looking at her and seeing my daughter dead in her arms! — Alexandra exclaims crying tiredly and Merida raises her chin to look into her blue eyes.

— What are you telling me, Alex?

Looking deep into the Welsh's green eyes, Alexandra replies:

— I should have gone to LA with my mother and sister, to spend the weekend, but I couldn't! I don't want to hear everything they keep saying to me over and over! They say that I must get divorced, that my marriage is already broke and things like that! But they don't know how I really feel! — she grabs the collar of the redhead's jacket and keeps her eyes intense. — I didn't want to go home either, I didn't want to be in that horror that my life became about living with Olivia. The only place I thought of coming was here, in your house... I'm a closed person and not much of friendships... you're the only person who would be able to understand what I'm going through without judging myself...

In that instant, Merida's eyes widen, noticing the woman in her arms ready to collapse, then, ignoring her cell phone vibrating in her pants pocket, she smirks saying:

— It's okay... stay calm... — the redhead sits down the blonde on the couch and kneels in front of her, stroking her chin. — But first, what do you think about letting Olivia know that you're here and that you need some time alone?

— No! I don't want her to know that I didn't go to LA! — Alexandra exclaims shaking her head and wipes the silly tears from her face. — You will promise me that you won't say anything to Olivia! Please! Promise me!

— What?! — Merida slowly moves away from her and stands, running her hands through her hair. — Alex, you can stay here as long as you think necessary, but Olivia needs to know that. What do you think will happen when she finds out you didn't go to LA and is missing, huh?! Besides, she's my friend and it wouldn't be fair to hide such a thing.

Also standing and approaching Merida, Alexandra replies:

— I have always been a rational, calculating and very reserved person, so I say that I have no close friends, to the point of asking for a favor like that I ask you, Merida. You were the only person who actually talked to me since I lost my daughter and I didn't think twice when I decided to take refuge here... Please, I'm going to talk to Olivia, but not today... not now...

The prosecutor wipes the tears with the back of her hands and smiles in a corner, noticing the redhead's clothes and her well-groomed hair.

— I hindered any possible date, didn't I? — Alexandra questions when pointing to the Welsh as a whole. — I'm sorry for that... I think it was a bad idea to come here... I'm sorry!

Immediately, Merida takes Alexandra by the waist, making her look firmly in her eyes when she says:

— Alexandra, you didn't disturb anything, rest assured! If you're telling me you're going to talk to Olivia tomorrow, I'm more relieved. — the redhead points to the corridor at the end and smiles. — You can feel at ease and stay with my room, because I still don't have a bed in the guest room. I will sleep on the sofa and thus let you relax with my room, which is a suite. — she winks at Alexandra, who looks at her more calmly. — And I just have a _show_ to go, it's a _drag queen show._ My best friend is a _drag queen_ famous in London and is touring here, so I am going to this concert hall to honor her. Only that!

Gazing curiously at the Welsh and wondering why she always feels a chill when she hears Merida speaking, Alexandra comments:

— I never went to a  _ drag queen show _ , do you believe me?!

Opening her eyes wide and placing her hands on her hips, Merida asks:

— Never?! I don't believe that, Alex! It is one of the best moments of your life and they are the best people you will ever meet! — she steps up to the blonde's suitcase and nods. — Come on! Change your clothes, because you will go with me to one of the best shows of your entire life!

Alexandra shakes her head, not believing how good she feels around Merida and how hot she makes her feel:

— You are unpredictable, you know?! I don't want to disturb you, Merida. Tomorrow we talk better! Go out with your friends, I don't want to be a burden.

— Stop it, Alexandra, I'm inviting you and I'm sure you desperately need to go out for a little fun. — Merida says as she walks to her room, deposits the suitcase on the bed and returns to the door. — Make yourself comfortable, change your clothes calmly and then go to the living room, I'll be waiting for you there!

Laughing ashamed, Alexandra says:

— That's right... Give me just 20 minutes and I'll meet you in the living room.

* * *

Entering the police station, Olivia steps forward to her table and, throwing herself against her chair, sighs heavily at the thought of the conversation she had with Alexandra the day before. Then, looking at the frame on her desk, she smiles when she finds herself there with Alice and Alexandra.

— Could I have done everything differently? Could it be that if I had killed Reeves when I had the chance, maybe he would never have been arrested and thus escaped to take revenge on me?

— Hey, Liv! What are you doing here today? — Tutuola asks when he stops in front of Olivia and slaps a hand on her table. — Aren't you supposed to be off duty?

Shaking her head, fleeing a possible sadness at the thought of her daughter, Olivia strokes the photo and raises her eyes to the man as she replies:

— Yes, I should be home, but as Alex traveled to LA, I thought it best to work and thus occupy the head. You know how I hate being idle and... without her at home, I am alone with Alice's memories.

Folding his arms, Tutuola looks worriedly at his friend and, sighing heavily, says with some fear:

— Liv, don't you think it's time to take Alice's room apart? — Olivia looks at him a little seriously and he continues to speak: — See, this only brings painful memories, instead of being good memories. Keep your daughter's things in a box, dismantle the room and, when you feel you have overcome some of the pain, you will be able to move Alice's things without hurting so much... Do it for you and for Alexandra, who seems to run away all the time from your house.

At that moment, Olivia feels her friend's words penetrate her ears as if they were hard stones, but true. Yes, she knows she needs to take care of herself and her marriage, and needs to hide everything for the time being that makes her think of Alice. Even though it was a short time from the loss, Olivia would very much like to dismantle her daughter's room and thus save herself, and save Alex too, from the pain of memories.

— Yeah... I'll talk to her as soon as she gets back from LA. — Olivia mumbles thoughtfully, feeling that Alexandra's trip is not quite what she said.

* * *

As soon as they enter the crowded place, loud music and drinks of all kinds, Alexandra shakes Merida's hand saying:

— Is it always like this?! — the Welsh simply nods and the prosecutor murmurs: — How long have I been in these places...

The moment they almost approach a lively table, a drag with blue hair and green eyes exclaims as she stands:

— Aaaahhhhhh, finally our Welsh has just arrived!!! — she hugs Merida tightly and stares gently at Alexandra. — And I see you came well accompanied!

As soon as they parted, Merida smirks as she says:

— Lilla, this is Alexandra! — Merida introduces the prosecutor, who finds herself exchanging fake kisses with the drag. — Alex, this is the wonderful Lilla, one of my friends from London!

— It is a great pleasure to finally meet the new girlfriend of my dear ginger! — Lilla says laughing and winking at the prosecutor. — Wait until the people find out that our ginger is dating, finally!

— What?! — Merida exclaims shaking her head. — She is not my girlfriend, you crazy! She's just a friend! Just it!

Alexandra, trying to understand the games of that drag, sees another drag approach and exclaim:

— Merida, you bitch!!! Were you giving a quickie before coming?! — she gives Merida a peck, who embraces her awkwardly.

— Vida Boehm! You are wonderful! — Merida exclaims after exchanging kisses with the drag, who points to Alexandra questioning:

— And who would that be?! Any girlfriend?!

— No! She's just a friend! — Merida exclaims again, shaking her head. — And we didn't give a "quickie", you silly! — she puts a hand behind Alexandra's waist and says: — This is Alexandra, a friend.

Eyes wide and laughing, Vida exchanges fake kisses with Alexandra when she says:

— Nice t meet you, dear, I'm Vida Boehm, the best friend of this wonderful doctor here! And my husband is the one over there, see?! — Vida points to the handsome man sitting at the table. — Enjoy the show and welcome to our  _ club _ !

The prosecutor says nothing, seems a little thoughtful and realizing that the Merida Harris she met is not as serious as she looks and looks at the redhead beside her commenting:

— You are nothing like I imagined, you know?!

Raising an eyebrow, Merida asks smilingly:

— Really?! I bet you thought I was a serious, boring British woman who could only work! Got it?!

Affirming her head, feeling ashamed for thinking the redhead's wrong, Alexandra replies:

— Yes! Oh, I'm sorry, but I had this impression of you! I would never say that you're lively and surrounded by drags friends!

Lifting her shoulders and taking Alexandra by the hand, Merida takes her to the table, where there are several people there, who exclaim excitedly:

— Meridaaaaaaaa!!!

— Now that I finally arrived, the kiki can start!!! — the doctor exclaims making everyone laugh and Alexandra laughs, shaking her head, feeling something different for Merida.

* * *

After the show, Vida joined her friends at the table and watched Alexandra a little less embarrassed and laughing while talking to the other drags and sitting very close to Merida, who drinks her third bottle of water.

Then, approaching the Welsh, Vida says:

— Ginger, come with me! I want to get something to drink!

— Ah, ok! — Merida exclaims nodding and looks at Alexandra. — Do you want to drink anything else? I'll get me another water...

Suddenly turning her face and almost kissing the Welsh, Alexandra doesn't respond immediately and feels her body beg for those lips. Is it the fault of the alcohol from the two drinks she had already drunk? Or a possible attraction for Merida that Alexandra has not felt for your own wife for a long time?

— Alex? Want something? — Merida asks again and lightly nudges the tip of the prosecutor's nose, who shakes her head, chasing away her thoughts.

— Ah! It could be another drink, please! — Alexandra responds by squeezing the redhead's chin. — You're so cute, you know?!

Asserting with her head and moving away from the blonde, Merida walks with Vida to the bar.

— Merida, my dear friend, who is this Alexandra, huh?! You seem a little shy around her... — Vida asks as soon as they stop in front of the counter and wait for the barman.

— Oh, Vida, it's a complicated story and I admit I'm a little worried to have brought Alex with me. — Merida comments running a hand through her hair and observes Alexandra laughing with Lilla. — She's Olivia's wife.

— Olivia?! That detective friend of yours,I don't know?! — Vida asks shocked and, as soon as the redhead nods, wags a finger at her. — Ah, Merida, and what is your best friend's wife doing alone with you in this  _ club _ ?! Where's Olivia?! Does she know her wife is with you?

— No, she doesn't know and Alex doesn't want me to tell Olivia.

— Merida, this isn't right! — Vida says worriedly and squeezes the Welsh's chin. — Didn't you notice the way she almost kissed you just now?! This is dangerous, huh?!

— I know! I know, Vida! — Merida exclaims impatiently, and after ordering Alex's drink and water for herself, she returns her gaze to the table, noticing the prosecutor laughing. — But she came to my house, asking to stay there for a few days and crying. How should I have acted?! I still want to call Olivia and tell her where her wife is, but I'm also afraid that Alexandra will be angry with me, saying that I didn't respect her. You see?

With a long sigh, Vida comments:

— I know... but she and Olivia lost their daughter, right?! — Merida says with her head and the drag continues to speak: — So, creature, it is more than proven how much she is seeing in you a way out of the pain that is going on, besides being desperately seeking in you an adventure, something that divert her from the pain of loss. You need to call Olivia and tell her where her wife is, Merida.

— Yes, I'll do it tomorrow. I was practically ready to come, when she appeared at my door with a suitcase! What should I have done?! Then, she said she had never come to a drag show... — Merida responds worriedly and, after picking up the drinks, walks with Vida back to the table. — And I have no interest in her, if that's what you're thinking, Vida! She is my best friend's wife and I would never increase her sudden desire for me, especially for the moment she is going through. You know how much Olivia means to me, she's practically a sister and that's why I would never be with Alexandra.

— Great! Great! — Vida comments thoughtfully and, after sitting down at the table, smiles at Alexandra. — Honey, what do you think about having a kiki?!

Looking curiously at the drag, Alexandra asks laughing:

— What would be kiki?!

At the same moment, Vida and Lilla get up and, clapping their hands, a very lively song begins to play and they sing animatedly as they pull Alexandra from the chair, making everyone in the room dance and sing along with them.

Dancing with Alexandra and watching her closely, Merida claps her hands as she notices the prosecutor smiling for the first time since meeting her in person. The Welsh feels divided for brief seconds until, winking at Alexandra, she approaches her.

— Come on, Merida! — Alexandra, clearly a little drunk, exclaims, motioning for the Welsh to approach and stretches her arms towards her, biting her lower lip. — Bring that athletic body to dance with me!

Merida just strokes the blonde's cheek and, walking past her leaving her confused, walks to the bathroom. As soon as she enters, the Welsh takes out her cell phone and calls Olivia, who answers on the third ring.

— Speak, Merida!

— Liv, don't ask me anything now, just come to the address I'm going to send you, tell the security guard that you're invited by Vida Boehm and look for me in the right corner of the party. Come now! — Merida says smiling from the corner and, after hanging up, walks out of the bathroom, returning to the table.

* * *

The moment Olivia looks at the location of the address indicated, she feels a certain insecurity, but, telling the security officer exactly what Merida had told her, she enters the  _ club _ realizing that it is a lively place, with loud music and several people dancing, drinking and talking.

— But why the hell would Merida invite me to a place like this? I've interrogated drag queens from here, I'm sure! — Olivia exclaims when trying to pass by the people and, as soon as she reaches the right corner of the place, before seeing Merida, her eyes widen. —  _ Oh! _

She sees her Alexandra dancing with a group of drag queens in a lively, free way and laughing as she had not seen Alexandra laugh for a long time. Olivia's heart is beating fast as she smiles, covering her mouth with one hand, not believing that she is seeing her wife finally enjoying herself.

At that moment, feeling more in love than ever with Alexandra, Olivia remains just watching her and managing to breathe calmly, as she hasn't been able to for some time.

— What's up?! I see you like what you see! — Merida asks, laughing lightly when she stands beside the detective and looks at Alexandra.

Affirming with her head, still not believing that her Alex is laughing and having fun, Olivia says:

— Yeah... I LOVE what I see... — she pushes the Welsh by the shoulder in a light and playful way, but without taking her eyes off Alexandra. — Something was telling me that she wasn't in LA... How do you?!...

— Ah, forget it now and enjoy this moment with your wife... — Merida says while patting the detective on the shoulder.

— Hey! — Olivia takes her arm and nods. — Thanks for...

— No need to thank, stay and enjoy this moment! — Merida says winking at the detective and puts her hands in her pants pockets. — I'm going home, because tomorrow I will have a full day at the hospital. Good thing I don't drink anything alcoholic, you know!

Olivia says nothing, just nods and, returning her gaze to Alexandra laughing and dancing, feels that Merida is really her best friend. Before going to that  _ club _ , the detective had passed in front of the Welsh house and had seen Alexandra's car parked there, so she was just waiting to find out if Merida was cheating on her or not. That's why, with that Welsh attitude of calling Olivia to go to the  _ club _ and see Alexandra laughing, the detective is sure and with the hope that Merida is her friend and that she would help Olivia get that beautiful smile from the prosecutor back in your day to day.


End file.
